Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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