I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
