I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
