...so i touched it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
