last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
