ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
