Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
