I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
