just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
