remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
