Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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