you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
