I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
