He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
