well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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