Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
