don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
