ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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