Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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