yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
