i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
