Moan for me like Helen Keller
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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