what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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