Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
