its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
