Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
