Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
