Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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