your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So much rum. So many feels.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
