did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
