The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
