Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
