we're blogging at a bar
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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