A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just cropdusted the office
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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