Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wear drunk well.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
