we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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