About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
