The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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