why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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