i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She said her name was "party"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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