the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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