im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
