Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
