a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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