im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
