This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
