They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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