So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
