i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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