I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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