I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
