Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
